


Guardian Angel

by maxthetransguy



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Heavy Angst, I Will Go Down With This Ship, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Jared's Parents are evil, Kinda, M/M, OOC, Past Rape/Non-con, Suicide Attempt, Trans Jared Kleinman
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-12
Updated: 2019-09-12
Packaged: 2020-10-17 06:37:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20616617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maxthetransguy/pseuds/maxthetransguy
Summary: Jared catches Connor Murphy about to kill himself... while on his way to do the same.





	1. Please don't do this

**Author's Note:**

> Heavy angst guys. Just warning.

JARED

When I see Connor Murphy, I assume he’s only here to smoke. I roll my eyes and try to continue without him noticing me. I glance at him and realize the thing in his hand isn’t a blunt. It’s a bottle of pills. My heart drops. Murphy starts to lift the bottle to his mouth.

“No!” I shout, sprinting over and slapping the bottle away.

Murphy watches me with exhaustion, but no fire. And that terrifies me. 

“What do you want, Kleinman?” Murphy sighs.

“Why? Is this because of what I said today? I was teasing. I’m so sorry, dude, but you can’t just give up!” I yell, flinching inwardly at what a hypocrite I am.

“You wouldn’t care if I was gone,” Murphy grunts.

“I wouldn’t want anyone to do that. It sucks, but please just try to heal,” I plead.

“You don’t get it,” he mutters.

“Wouldn’t I?” I breathe. I reach into my pocket and pull out my pocket knife and pills. “I was here for the same reason.”

“Why? You’re happy. You’re not bullied. You act so at ease all the time,” Murphy says.

“It’s called a facade,” I reply shortly. “I was going to kill myself, but I saw you about to do the same, and I couldn’t let you die. It isn’t right.”

“Whatever,” he mumbles, standing up.

“I’m… I’m really sorry. I’m always such an asshole to you and you don’t deserve it,” I say.

“Then why do you do it?” Murphy snarls, gaining back his fight. Despite his intimidating presence, I’m so grateful that he’s going back to normal.

I look him in the eye and bite my lip. Tell him the truth, as much as that scares me. “Insecurity. I have to hurt others so people don’t see what I am trying to hide. You… you were an easy target. I wouldn’t get shit for hurting you. I’m sorry, Murphy. I hate myself for doing it.”

“Listen, stop being a fuckhead, then maybe we can get along,” Murphy finally sighs.

“Hey, Murphy, give me your phone,” I say. He huffs but hands it over. I input my number and hand the phone back. “Call me or text me if you ever feel this bad, okay?”

“The Insanely Cool Jared Kleinman? Really?” Murphy says with a smirk.

Oh. Shit. He’s like, really hot when not scowling. Fuck fuck fuck now is not the time to be gay!

“You know it!” I say, praying it’s too dark for him to see my blush.

“If you get to choose your contact name, I get to choose mine,” Murphy decides, extending his hand for my phone.

I sigh and give it to him. He pauses, thinking, then smiles and types. He hands it back with flourish. It reads Incredible Sulk Connor Murphy.

“Incredible Sulk?” I ask.

“Sulk is to like, mope. It’s a play on Incredible Hulk because we all know I’m strong when I’m angry. Case and point, Mrs. G’s printer in second grade,” Murphy smiles fondly.

“Funnier than I thought, Murphy,” I tease. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

I turn to walk away, but Murphy’s slim fingers wrap around my arm. I suck in a breath at the sudden contact.

“It’s a two way… is everything okay?”

“Please let go,” I whisper.

Murphy releases my arm, and I gasp and stumble away.

“Are you okay, Jared?”

“Don’t touch me without warning please. I don’t like being touched suddenly,” I say, composing myself. “What were you gonna say?”

“It’s a two way street. I’ll tell you when I feel low, but you have to text me when you feel the same way,” Murphy says cautiously.

“Got it, bro,” I say as I begin to walk. I pause and look back at him. “You coming?”

Murphy nods and joins me. “So, What’s Evan Hansen’s deal? You friends with him?”

“Family friends,” I say instinctively. I flinch. “That’s what I tell him. I don’t like letting people close and Evan is too… good to deal with my shit. So I am pretty mean to him. It’s the way things need to be though.”

“Some… things happened today and I lost my cool with him. I feel guilty,” Murphy says.

I nod. “You should apologize. Evan has really bad anxiety. He’s probably upset,” I say.

Connor is silent until we exit the orchard and reach the parking lot.

“You said to tell you when I’m feeling bad,” Murphy mutters.

“You want to spend the night? My mom isn’t home,” I suggest. “I’d feel better if you did.”

Murphy gives me a small smile and nods. “Thanks.”

“You can just follow my car in yours. Wait. Do you want to grab stuff from your house?” I ask.

“I really don’t want to go home,” he replies. “I can just sleep in this and go home tomorrow.”

“What about school?” I ask.

“Haven’t decided yet,” Murphy shrugs.

I roll my eyes playfully. We exchange awkward looks then get into our respective cars. We start driving, Murphy following behind me. Then the fucker turns on his brights. And leaves them on. I roll down the window and stick my hand out flipping him off. He turns off the brights. Then flicks them back on. We finally pull up to my house.

I stomp out of my car and glare at him.

“Asswipe,” I grumble.

“You drive too slow,” Murphy retorts.

“You mean the speed limit?” I respond.

Murphy laughs and looks at my house. “So this is where you live.”

“Yeah. Hope you don’t plan on murdering me in my sleep,” I tease.

Murphy tenses suddenly. “I’m not the psychopath you make me out to be,” he growls.

I freeze as I realize. “Murphy, I was joking. I’m sorry. I know you aren’t a psycho,” I say gently. I start to reach towards him, but second guess myself and pull away. “I would say that to anyone.”

“What the fuck is this, Kleinman? Why are you doing this? Am I some pity case? Or am I just a fucking joke?” Murphy snarls.

“I was about to kill myself too. I wouldn’t joke about this. And I regret being an asshole. I just needed to protect myself. I’m sorry. Okay? I never hated you!” I shout.

“Liar. You’ve always hated me,” Murphy growls.

The way he’s towering over me, the anger radiating off him, his fists curled, his posture, his expression.

I cower. “Don’t… I’m sorry please,” I whimper.

Confusion crosses his face, and he takes a cautious step forward. I shake my head and step back.

“Kleinman? Jared. Look, I’m sorry for getting angry. Let’s go inside and talk? Unless you’d rather I leave,” Murphy soothes.

“Yeah. Sorry. Come in,” I mutter. Murphy and I walk in. I look around. “You wanna tour or do you just want to chill in my room?”

“Just chill, I guess,” Murphy replies.

“I never hated you, Connor,” I say hesitantly, before I head up the stairs.

“Kleinman, don’t lie,” he huffs.

“I used you as a shield. I wanted to help myself,” I whisper. “I’m a selfish asshole.”

“So? You could still be mean without being horrible. You were awful. Just drop it. I don’t want to hear you,” Murphy snaps.

How can I make him believe me?

“Please just-“ I start.

“This was a mistake. I’m going home,” Murphy grumbles.

“Please let me show you something first,” I beg, getting a horrible idea.

Murphy grunts, but nods. I gesture him to follow and go up to my room. He watches me with cautious curiosity as I open the bottom drawer of my desk. My shaking hands grab my black notebook and I start flipping through. I find the correct entry, then push it over to Murphy, refusing to look at him.

“‘July nineteenth, twenty-eighteen. I hate myself. Every time I hurt him, I hurt myself. What the fuck is wrong with me. I hate how I do this. I’m a fucking coward. But they can’t know. They’d hurt me if they knew. Just like dad did. Mom still doesn’t know, but she’d react similarly I’m sure. But I take all of my baggage and take it out on him. He’s the only one I hurt. People won’t care if I hurt him. He’ll stay away from me if I hurt him. It’s better for everyone. Still, every time I say or do something to hurt him, deliberately or not, I add another scar. I fucking deserve it. I’m a piece of shit.’” Murphy reads.

“So now you know. I don’t hate you. Okay?” I mutter.

“Can I see your scars?” Murphy asks quietly.

I look up at him in shock. His face is open and somber. He looks sad, scared, and vulnerable. It’s rare to see his face so lost.

“I…” I trail off.

Murphy gulps and takes of his jacket. His arms are covered in scars. I move closer and inspect his arm.

“How many were because of me?” I ask.

He frowns. “A lot. But not all.”

“Mine are on my thighs. So I’m not trying to get laid when I take off my pants,” I tease half-heartedly.

He nods and I push off my shorts, standing exposed in my boxer briefs. I sit on my bed as Murphy takes in the sight. He leans over and looks at the skin.

“May I?” Murphy asks gently, reaching towards my leg.

I nod, holding my breath. His fingers brush over my scars. He traces my thighs, causing my face to redden and my heartbeat to speed up. He suddenly pulls up and straddles my legs. I place my hands flat against his chest instinctively, letting out an undignified squeak.

“What are you doing?!” I gape.

“You don’t hate me….” Murphy mutters. “Is what you feel for me… is it something more… affectionate?”

“I- you- What?” I squeak.

“Do you have romantic feelings for me, Kleinman?” Murphy whispers.

“What are you talking about?”

“You hurt yourself over me. That means something is there. So, do you like me romantically?”

I bite my lip and nod, glancing away. Murphy pulls my chin up so I meet his eyes.

“Murphy, why are…” I trail off as he smiles gently at me. God this guy is melting me.

“Call me Connor,” he coos.

“Then you have to call me Jared,” I say weakly.

“God, you’re so cute. Why did you always push me away? We could’ve been having fun. You didn’t have to be alone. Neither of us did,” Connor whispers.

“Kiss me,” I plead, shocking both of us.

Connor smiles. His lips meet mine. I move my lips against his. He is persistent and pushy, but soft and patient. I slowly lower myself down onto my back, pulling Connor down on top of me. I feel his lips curl up under my own.

“You’re so perfect,” Connor purrs.

I jerk at those words. I start struggling, suddenly unable to breathe. Connor immediately senses something is wrong and moves off me.

“I’m sorry,” I whimper.

“Don’t apologize, cutie. Just tell me what’s wrong,” Connor says patiently.

“I’m not perfect,” I mutter.

“What? Why do you-“

I cut Connor off. “Some things just upset me. Okay. It’s called being triggered. Please don’t push me on this,” I grumble.

“I’m sorry, Jared,” Connor says softly.

“‘S fine,” I mumble, not looking at him. “I need to change. You can sleep in the bed, I’ll sleep on the couch downstairs.”

“What? No. I practically forced you to invite me and I upset you. No way I’m letting you sleep on the couch. You get the bed. I’ll sleep on the couch,” Connor argues.

“No. You’re the guest. You get the bed,” I insist.

“How ‘bout neither of us sleep on the couch. The bed is big enough for two,” Connor says slyly.

“Fucking pervert,” I tease. “I’m gonna change. I’ll be back in a bit.”

He laughs as I grab sweats and a baggy sweatshirt and head to the bathroom. In the bathroom, I close the door and let out a panicked breath.

What the fuck is happening? Does Connor like me in return or is he just playing me as revenge? Does he actually want something or want to help me? Or is he pissed that I stopped him? Was it all a set up? But… if he does actually have interest in me, if he wants to date me, how would he feel?

I pull on my sweats. Breathe Kleinman. I take off my shirt. Breathe. Take off my binder. Breathe. Stare at my ugly, wrong body. Chubby stomach, not flat chest, ugly pale skin. Breathe. Everything about me is so terrible. I hate everything about myself. And if Connor found out it was Jasmine instead of Jared. How would he feel? BREATHE.

I yank my sweatshirt over my head and storm out of the bathroom back to the bedroom. Connor is drawing in a notebook.

“Whatcha doing?” I ask.

“I’ll let you know when it’s finished,” he replies, glancing up at me.

“Are you hungry?” I ask. “Or do you just wanna sleep or talk or…?”

“C’mere, Jared,” Connor says with a smirk, reclining back in my bed, opening his arm for me.

“Light off or on?” I ask.

“Off. That way you don’t have to get up again,” Connor decides.

I turn the light off and make my way over to the bed. I consider insisting I sleep downstairs again. What if he wants to cuddle or something and he notices I have different parts?

“Everything Okay?” Connor asks.

“Yeah,” I say quickly.

“Jared. If you don’t want me to touch you, I won’t. But we both need sleep. Okay?” Connor says gently.

“I don’t mind you touching me, I’m just nervous,” I whisper honestly.

“Come here. You don’t have to feel nervous, okay?”

I get in the beside him. He cautiously slides his arms around my waist and pulls my back into his chest.

“This okay?” Connor checks.

“No. I want to be the big spoon,” I grumble.

“You’re like a foot shorter than me. I’m the big spoon,” he replies teasingly.

I am silent for a moment. “What is this?” I ask.

“Hmm?”

“Why are you being so affectionate? Pity? A joke? What am I?” I ask.

“Honey, I like you. And if you want, I’d like you to be my boyfriend,” Connor murmurs.

“Boyfriend?” I repeat in shock.

“You wouldn’t have to be out at school. It could just be us. In school you wouldn’t have to talk to me, no one would have to know,” Connor adds.

“... What if I want people to know?” I whisper.

“What? You told me the only reason was to protect yourself. You start dating me you’d get hell,” Connor points out.

“It was also to scare you away, but that didn’t work,” I mention. I lean my head back into his shoulder. “If you’re with me, I’m not scared of them.”

I feel Connor shift, then his lips press to my neck. “Whatever you want,” he says.

“You. I want to date you. I want to be your boyfriend. In school and out of school,” I say. “But… I don’t want to go to school tomorrow.”

Connor chuckles. “Am I a bad influence?”

“I’ll probably be freaking out. Thinking this was all some dream,” I admit.

“Then I guess I have to stay with you tomorrow, making sure to remind you it’s real,” Connor teases. “Wow Jared. You’re making me skip school to make out with you. You’re corrupting me.”

I giggle then curse myself for sounding so feminine. Connor’s arms pull me closer.

“We should get some sleep,” I whisper.

“Goodnight loser,” he says.

“Goodnight dork,” I retort.


	2. Realizations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the next morning and Jared's parents coming home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heavy angst. Referenced past rape. Misgendering and deadnaming. Abuse. BE CAREFUL READING THIS CHAPTER

CONNOR

I wake up in a new place. Fuck. Am I dead? I don’t feel dead. Then memories of last night flood back. Kleinman. I look around but Jared isn’t anywhere in the room. I’m getting anxious. Did he decide I wasn’t worth it? I force my anxiety to turn into anger. He played me. He’s an asshole. That’s what he does.

“Connor?”

I look up and see Jared in the doorway with a tray. He watches me with concern. I unclench my fists and force myself to relax.

“Where were you?” I demand.

“Making breakfast. Did you think I left?” Jared asks. I look away and scowl. “This is my house. I would’ve kicked you out. Not left.”

“Thanks,” I growl sarcastically.

“I’m not planning on leaving you,” Jared whispers.

I look up at him and he gives me a shy smile. He walks over and hands me the tray. There’s eggs and bacon on the plate as well as a glass of apple juice.

“Didn’t know if you liked coffee so I just got apple juice because everyone loves apple juice,” Jared says. “So here ya go. Breakfast in bed.”

“What about you?” I ask.

“I have a plate downstairs. I’ll get it,” Jared replies stiffly. He pauses, looking at me anxiously. He leans over and presses a light kiss to my forehead. “I’m not lying about my feelings. I know the brain likes to make things up to hurt you, but you can trust me on this.”

I quickly grab his hand. He stiffens for a moment, relaxing when I brush my lips against his knuckles. He smiles back at me, then heads out. He returns a few minutes later with his own plate. He situates himself next to me, knee touching mine.

“What time is it?” I ask between mouthfuls of the (heavenly!) breakfast.

“10:53,” Jared replies. “So no point in going to school now.”

“I’m a bad influence on you Kleinman,” I remark. “Haven’t even been together a full day and you’re already skipping school.”

Jared’s phone buzzes and I swipe it before he can.

“Wait! Give it back!” Jared yelps.

I stick out my tongue and look at the phone.

“Someone named Acorn is asking where you are and if you’re okay because you weren’t in English today and he hopes he’s not bothering you but he’s worried is your dad home,” I read. I frown in a bit of confusion.

“Ugh. Tell him I’m fine just wanted to stay home because I’m all fucked out from a night with my boyfriend,” Jared says.

“What?!” I cackle.

“I like messing with him,” Jared shrugs.

“Not completely a lie. Just the fucked out part,” I mention. “What’s your password?”

“Kinkyboi with no spaces k is capitalized and boy is b-o-i,” Jared says.

I laugh as I type it in. I send the text to “Acorn” saying, ‘This is Jare-bear’s boyfriend. He’s fine but his ass is too sore for him to want to go to school.’

I hit send and smirk at him.

“All sent.”

His eyes narrow as he regards me. “Let me see my phone,” he grumbles.

I show him. He laughs a little than looks at me mischievously.

“What?”

“Jare-bear?” Jared teases. “Cute. Can I call you Connie?”

“No.”

“Aw Connie pwease?”

“God shut up,” I groan jokingly.

He smiles and takes a bite of toast. That’s all he has. Toast and a water.

“Why’d you make me a nice gourmet meal and all you get is toast?” I ask.

Jared frowns. “I wanted you to be well fed. And meanwhile I need to lose weight. I mean, I don’t usually eat breakfast at all,” he admits.

I put down my fork. Is Jared anorexic? He looks ashamed.

“You don’t need to lose weight,” I say.

“Yes I do,” he sighs. “I’m too pudgey. It isn’t attractive.”

“Bullshit. You’re fucking beautiful. And so what if you aren’t skin and bones? All the better to cuddle,” I say. “On the other hand, I am too bony. I might need you to feed me more of your excellent cooking.”

Jared’s phone starts ringing with a FaceTime call.

“Who is Acorn?” I ask, looking at the screen.

“Evan,” Jared replies. “I’ll let it go.”

“No. Answer it. I need to apologize anyway,” I reply nervously.

Jared looks at me, eyes soft, and answers it. “Heyo.”

“H-hi, Jared,” a timid voice greets.

“Why are you calling? You hate the phone?” Jared asks.

“Well… usually you are meaner and more vulgar when something bad happened so I wanted to make sure you were okay and I’m sorry if I’m bothering you but Mom said yesterday that your dad was released so I thought maybe he came back and I was really scared that something happened to you. Are you okay?” Hansen blurts.

“He isn’t home yet,” Jared says darkly. “I’m fine. My boyfriend took my phone and texted you. Before you ask, he was joking we didn’t actually fuck. He did spend the night but for other reasons.”

“Boyfriend?” Hansen repeats.

“Uh, Yeah, um we started dating last night?” Jared replies.

“W-who is it? I d-didn’t know you talked to g-guys,” Hansen stammers.

Jared motions to me. I lean over his shoulder so the camera sees me.

“Hey, Hansen,” I greet.

His face freezes. “H-hi Connor. A-about yesterday, that wasn’t a prank. No one was supposed to see it. And I’m really sorry that I upset you,” he blurts.

Jared looks at me in confusion.

“It’s fine, Hansen. I over reacted as usual. I’m sorry that I freaked out. And sorry about shoving you before that. I can give the letter back to you later,” I say.

Hansen’s face melts in relief. Then he lets out a nervous giggle.

“So J-Jared finally admitted he l-likes you?” Hansen says.

“Evan!” Jared screeches.

“Oh? Jared has talked about me before?” I smirk.

“A lot, Yeah. The bell is about to ring. B-but I’ll talk to you later,” Evan says.

“Good, I’ll need blackmail material,” I tease.

“No!” Jared yells, ending the call abruptly.

I laugh as he glares at me, face turning a delicate pink.

“Come on. I’m teasing. Wanna watch a movie?” I laugh.

“Hmph. Fine,” he sulks.

We head downstairs. He puts in a movie and curls up into me as I work on my sketch, careful to angle it so he can’t see. Soon he drifts off, softly snoring. I finish the drawing of him, smiling with his little dimples. Why did he have to hide from me. We’ve been dating for less than 24 hours and I’m already so attached, and so much happier. I still want to die, but with Jared… maybe soon I won’t anymore.

Jared stirs and smiles sleepily at me. Until the door flies open.

“Jasmine! I’m home. Start cooking!” A woman yells.

Jared jolts, horror in his eyes. “Oh fuck. Connor, get out. I’ll text I swear but-“

A woman enters the room and glares at us.

“Why am I not surprised that you have a boy over. You fucking slut! You! Get out of my house and stay away from my daughter!” The woman screeches.

I stand and look at Jared in confusion.

“I’ll explain later. You should leave,” Jared whispers.

I bite my lip. He looks desperate and scared. I grab my bag and quickly leave his house. A man stands on the porch, smoking a cigarette.

“The fuck are you doing here?” he growls. “You fucking the psycho?”

“What?” I gape.

“The little dyke who thinks she is a boy,” the man scoffs.

My blood turns cold. Jared is trans? God that makes so much sense.

“Who are you?” I ask.

“I’m her father. Unfortunately,” he snaps. “Who the fuck are you?”

“I’m his boyfriend,” I say firmly.

“So she has you calling her a boy too? Pathetic. She has boobs. A pussy. Trust me I know,” he sneers.

“So you fucking raped your child?” I grit out.

He grins. I punch him. He staggers back in shock then turns dark. I ready myself as he attacks me, punching back. I’m proud to say he is losing.

“Connor!” I hear Jared gasp from the door.

I manage to throw Mr. Kleinman to the ground. I turn to Jared who stands, awkwardly holding his arm. His nose is bleeding and his eyes are wide with fear.

“Jared, let’s go,” I growl.

“W-What?” He whispers.

“You aren’t staying here. Get in the fucking car,” I snarl.

Jared flinches. I can see the pain and nervousness in his eyes.

“Stay here you little bitch. Don’t you fucking dare leave with him. You hear me, Jasmine?” Mr. Kleinman yells.

Jared lets out a small sob and immediately hurries over to me. I open the car door for him. I head to the driver’s side. Before I open the door, I glare at the man.

“Stay the fuck away from Jared. I don’t care if he is your offspring, but you are abusive and I will not let you near him,” I warn.

I get in the car and slam the gas.

“Connor, please slow down!” Jared begs. “Stop I’m scared!”

I pull off the road into an empty parking lot. I turn off the car.

“What the fuck,” I growl, fists clenching at the thought of those awful people.

“I’m sorry,” he whimpers. “I’ll leave. I’ll go back. I don’t want to bother you.”

“What? No! Fuck that! I don’t want those people ever getting anywhere close to you ever again,” I say. Jared looks tense. He still looks scared. “Are… are you scared… of me?” I ask slowly.

“Not of you, but being rejected by you,” Jared admits.

“Why would I reject you?” I say in surprise.

“Because I’m Jasmine, not Jared,” he spits. “Because I lied to you. Because I’m a psychotic kid with psychotic parents.”

“No. You are Jared. You are a boy. You don’t need a fucking Y chromosome or a penis to be male. Okay? You didn’t lie to me. Not about who you are. And it isn’t your fault your parents are fucking evil. That isn’t on you. That’s on them. Got it?” I declare firmly.

“I… thank you,” Jared whispers.

“He raped you,” I state softly.

Jared lets out a sob. “I’m sorry. I’m filthy I’m sorry.”

“No sweetie. It isn’t your fault. He’s a monster. I’m just trying to wrap my head around everything they’ve done,” I soothe.

“Heidi tested me over the summer. I’m clean. I’m not pregnant. So I’m fine,” Jared says, furiously rubbing away his tears.

“You aren’t fine, but that’s okay. Who’s Heidi?” I ask.

“Evan’s mom. My second mom basically. She’s a nurse at the hospital. Actually, do you think you can drive me there. I need to see her. And I think mom did something to my arm. It hurts.”

“Got it boss,” I say.

I start to drive, slowly this time. Jared grips his knees. I reach over a hand, gently resting it on his own. He startles for a moment, then holds it tightly.

“I think I love you,” he whispers.

I feel myself flinch. “Jared…”

“Fuck. Sorry, you don’t have to reply,” Jared panics, trying to pull his hand away.

I don’t let go. “No. Don’t pull away. I’m just… surprised. I never thought anyone could love me,” I admit.

We reach the hospital. I look at Jared and he looks at me.

“Stay with me?” Jared whispers.

“No way I’m leaving you. You’re stuck with me, Jared,” I reply.


	3. Zoe Is Defensive of Connor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What the chapter title says

JARED

Connor takes my hand and leads me into the hospital. Heidi sees me and immediately runs over.

“Jared! What happened?” Heidi gasps. “Your mom has been texting non stop asking if I know where you are.”

“Don’t Tell her. They came home. Mom got mad and hit me and something happened to my arm and I’m scared Heidi,” I whimper.

Heidi starts leading me to a hospital room when she sees Connor. “Who are you?”

“I’m the guy who punched Jared’s dad and helped Jared escape,” Connor says.

“He’s my boyfriend,” I add.

“Connor Murphy, ma’am,” Connor clarifies.

“Listen, Mr. Murphy. I am grateful that you helped Jared out of that situation, but if you hurt him, you will regret it. Jared, on the bed. Let me check out your arm. Mr. Murphy, I must ask you to leave the room.”

“No, he can stay,” I quickly interject. “He knows. I want him to stay.”

Heidi nods and starts getting to work.

“I don’t want you to go back to that house. You’re eighteen, right?” Connor asks.

“Yeah,” I say.

“Good. Then you don’t legally have to,” Connor says. He pauses and smiles slightly. “I know it’s a bit sudden, but do you want to move in with me?”

“What about your- ow!” I grit out.

“Sorry, honey. Looks like your shoulder is dislocated and your wrist is sprained. You just need to splint the wrist and realign your shoulder. I’m going to fetch the doctor,” Heidi says. She pauses and glares at us. “Behave.”

I nod. Once she leaves, I turn back to Connor. “What about your parents?”

“I don’t live with them. I just bought an apartment, though I haven’t moved my shit there yet,” Connor says. “It’s a two bedroom in case Zoe visited. But you can sleep in the other room.”

“Can I… can I just sleep in your room?” I ask, shyly.

“Of course, sweetie. We’re gonna have to go back to you house at some point to get your stuff, though,” Connor says.

I stiffen and shake my head frantically. “I can’t go back.”

“Listen, we can get Hansen and Zoe to help you pack up your shit, and I can make sure neither of them go near you. Okay. And you can get your car that way too,” Connor soothes.

“Tomorrow is Saturday. Mom goes out on Saturdays. Can we do it then?” I ask quietly.

“Of course, baby,” Connor replies.

*time skip cuz this boy be lazy*

Connor opens the door to his apartment and gestures me in. I look around at all the boxes piling around.

“I thought you hadn’t moved your stuff yet,” I mention.

“I… haven’t. Zoe must’ve done it,” Connor mumbles.

Speak of the Devil. Zoe walks into the main room and stops cold.

“Alana, he’s here. I gotta go. Bye,” Zoe says. She hangs up her phone and tackles Connor in a hug. “YOU ASSHOLE! You didn’t come home last night and you weren’t at school but you weren’t here either and you wouldn’t answer your phone! I thought you were dead!”

“Sorry, Zo. Something came up and I had my phone off,” Connor soothes. “I’m fine.”

Zoe sighs and looks up, eyes focusing on me. “The fuck are you doing here? Get out! Do you know how much of an asshole you are? Do you know how much Connor hates himself and wants to die because of you!” she shrieks.

“Zoe. Stop,” Connor snarls.

“I’m sorry,” I whimper, tears dripping from my eyes.

“No. Don’t apologize. You’re fine,” Connor says.

“Okay, I’m missing something. Why is Kleinman here and why are you being so nice to him?” Zoe asks.

Connor sighs. “The other night, I was going to kill myself.” Zoe gasps and I let out a small sob. “Jared saw me and stopped me. We worked things out and some… stuff came to light. We’re dating. So play nice, Zoe. He’s had a rough day.”

“You saved my brother’s life?” Zoe asks me quietly.

I nod timidly. “He saved mine too,” I admit.

Zoe wraps me in a hug. “Thank you.” Then she pulls away. “But you were still a dick. If Connor is happy with you, fine, but if you ever hurt him, I’ll castrate you. Got it?”

I frown. “That threat doesn’t work for me.”

“No dick to chop off?” Zoe says jokingly, but she’s confused.

“Zoe, cut it out,” Connor growls.

I let out a shaky breath. “No, it’s fine. I should be more honest anyway. I should be proud of who I am, right?”

“I’m proud of you no matter what,” Connor says.

“What are you talking about? And what have you done to Connor?” Zoe asks.

“I’m… um, I’m trans. So you might need to pick a different method of torture if I hurt Connor,” I whisper.

“Oh! Cool. So… if you hurt Connor, I’ll pull out all your teeth and make them into jewelry,” Zoe decides.

“Morbid,” I remark. I pause and quietly add, “But you’re okay with it?”

“My girlfriend, Alana is trans. Why wouldn’t I be?”

I smile at that.

“Zoe, we might need your help tomorrow,” Connor starts. “We need to pick up Jared’s shit from his house and move it here.”

“He’s moving in with you?!” Zoe shrieks. “NO! I’m not helping you do that!”

“We need as many people to help to make it as quick as possible,” Connor says.

“Why the fuck do you think it’s a good idea to have him move in with you?” Zoe snaps.

“Because he has nowhere else to go, and I want him with me,” Connor glares.

“What, did his parents kick him out?” Zoe snarls.

“Zoe! I swear to God, fucking drop it!” Connor hisses.

“They beat me. And my dad… he used to rape me until he got arrested. But he was released. Connor witnessed a bit of that today. He saved me. And I won’t go back. If you need me to leave, I will. I live on the streets until I find somewhere to stay, but I will not live in that house,” I whisper.

Connor looks at me with a question in his eyes. I nod and he embraces me tightly.

“No way. You’re stuck with me. I’m not letting you leave,” he murmurs.

“Jesus, Jared. I didn’t know,” Zoe whispers. “I’ll help you move stuff. But what about your parents?”

“I’m gonna be the line of defense so they can’t touch him,” Connor replies, carding his fingers through my hair.

“My own personal bodyguard,” I tease softly.

“Text me when and where and I’ll be there. I’ll talk to you later. And, I’m sorry Jared,” Zoe says.

I nod in acknowledgement and Zoe finally leaves.

“Kiss me?” I ask when she’s gone. “I want to feel loved.”

Connor smiles gently at me, tilting my chin up to meet his lips.


	4. Best Laid Plans of Mice and Men...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ... Often go astray

CONNOR

I wake up and someone is leaning over me. Instinctively I jolt up, flip the person onto their back, then pin them down by their throat. My eyes adjust and reality hits me as I process Jared under me, eyes wide, struggling to breathe.

“C-Connor,” he gasps.

“Fuck!” I yelp, releasing him and jerking away.

He sits up and rubs his neck, eyes still huge.

“Connor,” he starts.

“Shit, Jared, I’m sorry. I just… I didn’t register it was you and fuck I’m sorry I’m a horrible person,” I blurt.

“Connor! Let me talk!” Jared shouts. I stare at him. He shoots me a smirk. “It was hot. I like being choked.”

I startle. Then my eyebrows raise. “Really? God, Jared, that’s fucking hot.”

“Yeah? You like that, Daddy?” Jared purrs.

I not so subtly adjust my pants. “You’re gonna be the death of me,” I groan.

“A little too spot on,” he mutters, eyes falling as his shoulders tense.

“What?” (Jeez this kid is almost as bipolar as I am.)

“You almost killed yourself the other day. And it would have been my fault,” Jared says, looking at me with heart broken eyes, tears cascading down his cheeks.

I wrap my arms around him and pull him closer. His shoulders shake as he cries into my shirt. I rub soothing circles on his back.

“I didn’t kill myself, though. And now I’m dating this beautiful, amazing, funny, ridiculous boy who means a lot to me,” I whisper.

He lets out a wet laugh. “You forgot insanely cool.”

“I wouldn’t go that far,” I tease. I pause. “Do you want to talk to Zoe and Evan about moving? We can just grab some trash bags and get them to my car. And your car.”

“O-okay. You… you promise you’ll protect me?” Jared whispers.

“Of course, baby,” I assure.

We pick up Evan and Zoe before driving to the Kleinman’s. Luckily, the house is empty and we are able to quickly begin packing stuff into mine and Jared’s cars.

JARED

It’s quiet, but for some reason it’s unnerving. We finish getting my stuff, but I’m reluctant to leave.

“Last sweep of the house? Say goodbye?” Connor suggests quietly.

I nod and reach for his hand. He brings it to his lips for a quick kiss, then walks in with me.

“It’s hard to let go,” I whisper. “I kept hoping they would change.”

Connor doesn’t reply, only holds his arms out. I curl into him and cry. We stay wrapped in each other for a few moments.

Then he suddenly shoves me away. I’m shocked by the sudden aggression. Then I look up. My dad is gripping Connor tightly by the hair. Connor’s face is pale and scared and in pain. My dad twists his hand and Connor screams. Then I realize. There’s a knife sticking out of his back. I scramble to my feet.

“Please let him go. Don’t hurt him!” I beg. “Leave him alone!”

“Why should I?” Dad snarls. He yanks the knife out, spins Connor around, and stabs him again in the stomach. “I should kill him right now.”

“No! Please! If you let him go, I’ll stay. I won’t fight you. But if you hurt him more, I swear to God I will call the cops and run.”

Dad releases Connor who collapses with a whimper. He approaches me but I don’t flinch away.

“What’s taking so-“ Zoe cuts herself off as she takes in the scene. Her face is suddenly filled with calm rage and it’s fucking terrifying. “Jared, bring Connor outside.”

Without waiting for me to reply, she launches herself at my dad. And she’s winning. I quickly help Connor up and half-drag him outside, making a mental note to never fuck with Zoe Murphy.

I help Connor into the backseat of his car and Zoe storms out.

“What happened?” Evan squeaks.

“Evan, drive Jared’s car behind us. Jared, stay in the backseat with Connor, keep him lucid while I drive him to the hospital,” Zoe instructs.

I buckle up Connor, then myself. Zoe starts to drive. She speeds slightly, but nowhere nearly as bad as Connor does.

“Connor, can you talk to me?” I whisper.

“Failed,” he whimpers.

“What?”

“Supposed to protect. I failed,” he slurs. “‘M tired, Jare. Ev’rything hurts.”

“I know. We’re gonna get you help okay? Keep talking please. Talk about anything,” I plead.

“You’re warm. Cuddle?” Connor asks.

I wrap my arms around him.

“What the fuck did you do to him?” Zoe asks.

“I didn’t know he was there. He snuck up on us. It’s my fault,” I whisper.

“Not your fault, Jare-bear,” Connor mumbles.

“Not what I meant, Jared. Connor has never been so… affectionate or open with anyone before. I’m pretty fucking sure he’s in love with you,” Zoe remarks.

“I like love. I love Jared. He’s pretty and blushy and cute and he’s not mean anymore,” Connor gushes.

“Love you too, Connie,” I say quietly.

“I’m your Connie? I like being your Connie. But only yours,” Connor says.

“Connie?” Zoe giggles.

“No!” Connor yells. “Only Jare can call me Connie. I’m his Connie.”

“How are you so calm?” I snap at Zoe.

She’s quiet for a moment. “Freaking out doesn’t help. I’ve driven him to the hospital twice for suicide attempts. The first time I panicked and he almost died. He was super sick for a while after. The second time, I stayed calm and was able to save him. Getting upset won’t help him. Stay calm so he won’t be scared and we can help him faster.”

I bite my lip and glance out the window.

“I’m tired,” Connor mutters.

“I know, baby. We’re almost at the hospital,” I reply.

“I wanna sleep.”

“Not yet,” I say firmly.

“Just for a minute,” Connor murmurs, eyes fluttering shut.

“No! Connor wake up!” I yell. His face twitches but he doesn’t open his eyes. “Connor, don’t you DARE lose consciousness on me! Stay awake! Look at me!”

He still doesn’t move. I grab his face and kiss him fiercely. That gets a response. His lips move sluggishly against mine. When I pull back, his eyes are open and he gives me a drowsy smile.

“Love you,” he whispers. “More kisses?”

“I love you too, and I’ll give you as many kisses as you want tonight if you stay awake until a doctor sees you, okay?” I bargain.

*time skip*

After some time, Heidi comes out. “Connor is doing well. You can come see him now, okay?”

I nod and follow her to his room. He smiles lazily when he sees me.

“You’re pretty,” he says.

“Thanks?”

“You’re super handsome Jared. Soooooo handsome and I love you and want to be with you forever,” he adds.

I pull up a chair next to his bed and hold his hand.

“Yeah?” I whisper, hoping he’s telling the truth.

“Yeah! D’ya wanna marry me?” Connor asks, eyes suddenly wide and hopeful.

Heidi giggles and I give her a look. Then I turn back to Connor. “We’re a little young sweetheart.”

“So? Fuck social norms. We should get married now. And then we can adopt kids! A whole fucking orphanage of kids!” Connor rambles.

“He’s high on painkillers,” Heidi says.

“I noticed,” I reply drily.

Connor touches my face softly. “Are you real?”

“Of course I’m real, Connor,” I say.

“No like, are you a real human?”

“Nah I’m an alien,” I state.

Connor gapes at me. “You’re an alien?! I’m dating an alien? So cool!”

“Sweetie, I was joking. I’m human,” I reply with a smile.

“Oh.” He’s quiet for a moment, thoughtful. “So you aren’t an angel?”

“What?”

“I dreamed. You were an angel,” Connor says. “Are halos hula hoops for tiny people?”

I giggle to cover my awe. “I don’t think that’s how it works, Connie.”

“Do you know how it works? You must! You ARE an angel!” Connor blurts.

“Why do you think I’m an angel?”

“Cuz you’re so beautiful and so amazing. And you saved me,” he slurs. “My very own guardian angel.”

“Connor,” I murmur. “I’m not an angel.”

“Yessss you are! Remember in th’orchard? I was gonna die, but you saved me. You saved me cuz you’re my angel.”

I flinch. Heidi touches my shoulder gently.

“Jared, what does he mean?” she whispers.

Connor continues before I can reply. “I still wanna sometimes, but my angel says he loves me so I’ll keep not dying.”

Heidi gives me a look.

“I stopped him from killing himself a few days ago,” I admit quietly.

Heidi looks concerned, but is prevented from speaking when Zoe enters the room.

“Hey Con-Man,” Zoe greets.

“Hmmmm hi Zoe,” Connor says distractedly.

Zoe turns to me and hands me a key. “This is for Connor and guess now your apartment. If you hurt him I’ll kill you.”

“Nuuuuuu! Zoe! You can’t say that! Be nice to my angel!” Connor yells.

I grit my teeth. I’m not an angel. I’m a monster. I’m bad. I’m so bad. I don’t want to hurt him, but I’m bad and I know it’s inevitable.

*time skip*

A few days later, Connor comes home. He is still out of school for a week though. He’s been overly affectionate since coming home. It’s Thursday night, and Connor and I are getting ready for bed. Connor flops on the bed. I follow more slowly. He wraps his arms around me and I tuck my head under his chin.

“Are you okay?” Connor suddenly asks.

“What?”

“You seem upset. Tell me what’s wrong, my angel,” he coos.

I jerk away from him and stand up.

“I’m not-“ I cut myself off with a grimace.

“Jared?”

“Why are you being so… sweet? I get that we’re dating, but you’re being abnormally loving! Why?” I snap.

“Jared-“

“And you keep calling me your fucking angel! I am not an angel. So stop pretending I am! I’m a monster. I’m an asshole! I am not a good person, much less an angel! I am bad for you!” I scream.

Connor jolts to his feet. “Jared, please-“

“No. I don’t want to talk about this. Now or ever. I’m gonna sleep in the other room,” I growl.

I storm out to the other room. I fall onto the bed, instantly dissolving into tears.

“Jare, please, come back to bed with me,” Connor pleads from the doorway. “Or at least tell me what’s wrong.”

“Go away!” I sob.

The bed dips as Connor sits. He doesn’t touch me, and I curl into myself. I don’t know if I want him to touch me or not. Whether or not I want him to stay.

“Baby, what’s going on? Talk to me,” Connor pleads. “Did I do something?”

“‘M not an angel. I’m horrible,” I mumble through tears.

“No. You’ve done awful things, but we all have. That doesn’t make you horrible. You’re an amazing, handsome, funny guy who stole my heart and somehow did the impossible. You gave me hope,” Connor states.

I look at him. “I’m not an angel.”

“You’re my angel. My guardian angel. You saved my life. You make me want to keep living. You want to help me.”

I shake my head. “I’m a failure of an angel then. My dad stabbed you. And I couldn’t do anything.”

Connor suddenly grabs my arm. “Are you fucking kidding me?”

I wince. “I- I’m sorry,” I whimper.

Connor fixes me with a stern expression, but he doesn’t look angry. “Jared. You saved my life. You were going to let him hurt you to save me. Then you got me out while Zoe attacked him.”

“But-“

“You saved me.Twice. So no buts. Except your sweet ass,” Connor teases.

I blush and wrap my arms around him tentatively. He holds me back, kissing my forehead.

“I want you to touch me,” I whisper.


	5. Bad Shit Happens

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the title explains it. but it gets better.

CONNOR

I stiffen, and Jared immediately recoils.

“I’m sorry, ignore me it was stupid,” Jared blurts.

I cut him off by kissing him fiercely. He gasps then kisses me back. He sits up, pulling me with him, then straddles my lap. My hands are on his face, but he takes them and moves them to his ass.

“Please,” he whines into my mouth.

I squeeze him and he whimpers and shifts. He pulls away for a moment a pulls his shirt over his head. He’s wearing his binder even though he already has changed for bed.

“Jared,” I say firmly.

He winces. “I’m sorry. Too much?”

“Not that. You weren’t planning on wearing your binder to sleep, were you?”

“Oh. Um…”

“That’s unhealthy baby. Take it off. I’m gonna assume you’ve been wearing it all day too?” I say.

“Y-Yeah.”

“Take it off, love. I can close my eyes if you want and you can put your shirt back on,” I instruct.

“How do you know about binding anyway?” Jared asks.

“Promise not to make fun of me?” I ask. He nods and I continue, “When I found out you are trans, I did research. I want to know how to support you.”

Jared stares at me. “Y-you did?”

“Of course babe,” I reply easily. I pause. “That brings me to another thing. Are you looking into getting top?”

“Oh. Uh, I want to, but it’s expensive and my parents and no job…”

I smile at him. “I wanna pay.”

“WHAT? No! Top is crazy expensive! I can’t just ask you to pay!”

“I can afford it, Jared. Not trying to brag or flaunt my ‘wealth’ but I have a lot of money saved up. Rich parents, remember. And you aren’t asking. I’m telling you,” I say.

“But What If we break up?”

“Do you want to break up with me?” I ask.

“No! Of course not! But you-“

“Jared. I love you. I would be the stupidest person to ever exist if I gave someone as amazing as you up. Your mine, baby,” I soothe.

“But you-“

“No buts. I’m paying for your top. Final.”

He looks at me with wide eyes. Then he sniffles and curls into me.

“I don’t deserve you.”

“I think it’s the other way around,” I tell him.

That makes him shoot up. “Wait. Is that why you want to pay for my top? Because you think you aren’t good enough for me?”

I hesitate. “Jare, I-”   
“No. Don’t try to buy me. I already love you. I adore you!”

“I just want to make up for all the shit you’re gonna have to deal with when dating me,” I defend.

“But that makes me seem like I’m dating you for your money like some gold-digging ho!”   
“Jared, listen to me, baby,” I plead.

“No.”

“No?”

“I won’t let you pay for my top. I’ll get a job. Thanks for the offer, but no,” Jared spits.

“Jared, please let me do something for you. You saved my life multiple times!”

“I don’t want you to ‘pay me back’ dumbass! I just want you to love me!” he cries.

“And I do! That’s why I want to pay!”   
“I don’t want to be some charity case!” Jared screams, shoving me.

I gasp in pain as my wound twitches. Jared immediately looks guilty.

“I’m gonna get some sleep,” I finally say with gritted teeth.

“I… Con, I’m sorry,” Jared whispers.

“Whatever, man,” I grumble, standing and stalking out.

I don’t get much sleep. I can hear him crying through the thin walls, and it haunts me. The sleep I do manage to get is filled with nightmares, with his sobs. I hate myself.

JARED

I cry and cry until I have no more tears. Then I get up, wipe my face, grab my keys, and leave.

I drive to the orchard. I sit underneath the tree I saved Connor under. I watch the sun start to rise. It was too perfect too fast. Of course it wouldn’t last long. I hate my life. I hate fucking Connor for giving me hope. I hate myself for ruining it.

I don’t know how long I am sitting here before my inner turmoil and self-hatred is interrupted by voices.

“Jared?” Evan.

“JARED?!” Connor. “I’M SORRY!”

I let out a sigh and wait for them to find me. Connor finds me.

“Jared! What did you take?” he demands, rushing over to me.

I give him a dry look. “Nothing.”   
“Are you okay? I’m so sorry, baby,” Connor murmurs.

“Ironic isn’t this? Everything comes full circle,” I mutter.

“What?”

“This is where we essentially started. And this is where I’m ending it,” I reply.

“What?! Jared!”

“We aren’t healthy, Connor. All we’ll do is make each other miserable. I’m ending this before it gets too bad. I’ll move my stuff out tomorrow.”

“Where are you going to move? Back in with your parents?” he demands. I shrug. “No. I won’t fight you on breaking up, but you are not moving back there. You can stay with me still. I’ll stay out of your way. But I want you safe and you won’t be there.”

“Fine,” I mutter.

“Come home, please,” Connor whispers.

“Your home. Not mine. I’m a temporary guest,” I snap.

Connor frowns. “Still, let’s just go.”

The next few weeks go by. It’s very tense between Connor and me. We barely talk. I hate it. I wish I hadn’t broken up with him, but I know I’m bad. He should stay away from me. I get a job at LUSH and start saving money so I can move out. It’s better if I move out.

One night I get home late. And I’m tired of not talking. I want to talk to him. About anything. So I head to his room. The door is closed and I raise my hand to knock when I hear it. He’s moaning. And someone else is too.

The thought that he’s already over me hurts. I head back into my room and try to fall asleep, despite still being able to hear him and his “friend” go at it.

The next morning, I head to the kitchen for coffee. The machine is already on, and there’s a boy there in a red hoodie.

“Oh hi! You must be Connor’s roommate!” the boy says happily. “I’m Michael!”

“Jared.”

“Oh jeez. Connor’s ex, Jared? Isn’t it weird living with your ex?”

“Eh. I’m saving money to move,” I reply.

“Why did you two break up?” Michael asks. “Connor won’t tell me.”

“Because it’s none of your business.”

“Dude, look,” he starts, placing his hand on my shoulder.

I spin around and shove him.

“DON’T TOUCH ME!”

In his flailing, he knocks my coffee off the counter and it shatters on the floor. I immediately drop to my knees and try picking up the pieces, burning my hands on the scalding beverage and cutting my palms on the shards.

“Jared, stop!” Connor snaps.

I ignore him. Need to clean before they get mad. Then Connor is pulling me up and half dragging me to my room.

“Need to clean it,” I object.

“I’ll clean it later. Stay here,” Connor commands.

I obey. He returns a few minutes later with some bandages and an ice pack. He is careful as he cleans and wraps my hands, and once he’s finished, he hands over the ice pack.

“What’s this for?” I ask.

“The burns. What the fuck was that about?” Connor demands.

“I don’t like people touching me and I was already in a bad mood because he kept asking questions that made me uncomfortable and then I needed to clean it before you got mad at me,” I blurt.

“Jared, I’m only mad because you hurt yourself,” Connor says slowly.

“Just go.”

“Have you been cutting?” he asks suddenly.

“What?” I gape.

“I’ve noticed you limp slightly sometimes. Like your legs are bothering you. So have you?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“It does to me! Please, Jared. Please try to stop,” Connor begs.

“Please leave,” I mumble.

He sighs, but obeys.

I don’t tell him why I was limping. How it has nothing to do with self-harm.

It’s a few more days. Michael is constantly over, though I never catch them having sex. I barely eat. I can’t sleep. Then the pair go camping together. And it’s even worse. I just sit and watch tv. I don’t shower, sleep, eat or even move.

“We’re home,” Michael exclaims as the door opens suddenly.

I don’t look up.

“What the fuck! Jared! You look like death!” Connor shouts. “Michael, make some food. Jared, come on. We’re going to your room.”

I try to stand, but collapse. Connor catches me, and to my mortification, he picks me up and carries me to my room. He places me on the bed.

“What are you doing?” I ask quietly.

“Taking care of you because you refuse to take care of yourself,” he snaps. “You’re destroying yourself, why? For me?”

“No one said it’s because of you,” I say.

“But it is isn’t it?” My silence answers his question. “So if you hate that we’re not together, why did you end things?”

“Because I’m BAD! I’m unhealthy and wrong and bad for you!” I shout.

He lunges at me, smashing his lips to mine and making out with me hungrily. I’ve missed him too much to protest. I kiss him back, hands on his waist, tugging him closer. He finally pulls away, watching me with soft eyes.

“I don’t want someone ‘healthy’. I want  _ you _ . And you aren’t bad or wrong. You’re amazing. And I know you don’t see that, but you are. I love you, okay?”

I want to listen. I want to be able to love him. But I remember Michael.

“You should go.”

“Jared, please.”

“Go back to your boyfriend,” I snap.

“Michael? He’s-”   
“GET OUT!” I scream.

“Jared! Please!”

“GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT!”

I shove him. He still doesn’t leave, so I start beating my fists against his chest until he finally stumbles out.

A few minutes later, Michael walks in with some soup.

“Here. Eat this. You look like you haven’t eaten in days.”   
“I haven’t.”

It’s quiet as I slurp the soup. The soup is good, but I’d never tell Michael that.

“Connor and I aren’t dating,” Michael says suddenly.

I almost choke on the soup. “What?”   
“We had sex once in which he called me Jared. Then we talked and we were both using each other to get over someone. So we decided to stay friends. We aren’t dating,” Michael explains. “You should talk to him. You both really love each other. So don’t let him go.”

“O-Okay,” I stammer.

“I should get back to my house. But if you ever need a friend or someone to get high with, here’s my number,” Michael says, handing me a piece of paper with his digits scribbled on it.

I nod and he leaves. A few minutes of sitting alone, I head over to Connor’s room. The door is open and he’s pacing. I knock and he jerks his head up.

“Can I come in?” I whisper.

He sits on his bed and motions me to sit with him. I do, nervous as all hell.

“I’m not dating Michael. We never were dating,” Connor says.

“He told me. I’m sorry, Con. I… You mean a lot to me. I’m scared I’m going to hurt you.”

“I will take the pain if it means being with you. Maybe me being cheesy is weird, but I’m desperate. I love you, Jared. Please stay with me,” Connor begs.

I kiss him gently, briefly, then pull away. “I will. I’m sorry for everything.”

“Did you self harm again when I was camping?” Connor asks suddenly.

“It… I haven’t relapsed since the day I was going to kill myself,” I admit.

“You’ve been limping,” Connor points out.

I hesitate. “Don’t get upset. Please. Just… let me show you.” I unbutton my shirt until I’m only in a sports bra. He gapes at the bruises on my torso. “There are more on my legs. That’s why I’ve been wearing jeans. They’ve been beating me at school. They found out I broke up with you and without you scaring them away, they hurt me.”

“I’ll kill them. I’ll kill those fuckers!”

I flinch. “No. I’m fine.”

Connor sighs. “Let me know if they do this again. Alright?”

I nod knowing full well I won’t.

“Still don’t want you to pay for my top.”

“We can split the total,” Connor says. “I want to give you the world. But a little bit for top is okay too.”

I laugh. “Fine.”


	6. That's All Folks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i hope this wraps the story up well. Might be a sequel if y'all ask nicely.

CONNOR

The next day, back at school, I look for Jared at lunch. I can’t find him at any of our regular spots.

I text him.

_ To Jare-Bear<3: where r u _

_ From Jare-Bear<3: 1st floor bathroom _

I head down to the bathroom. He’s huddled in the corner, crying and nose bleeding.

“Baby, what happened?!” I gape, kneeling next to him.

He jerks away from him, looking at me with anger and fear.

“You told them. Why… how could you?” Jared sobs.

“What?”

“Don’t play dumb, Connor,” he mutters.

I hear a noise behind me and I spin around to see two assholes standing there, smirking. One is holding Jared’s phone.

“Get the fuck out,” I snarl.

“We were having fun with her before you got here. Maybe you should go,” one sneers.

“Don’t leave!” Jared gasps in panic.

I stare at the jerks as I realize what he said. He said  _ her _ .

“Get out and don’t you dare touch him or talk to him ever again,” I snarl.

“Him? Oh you mean Jasmine? She’s only pretending to be a boy. Grow up,” jerk two says.

I lunge at them, slamming Jerk One’s head into the sink. He collapses and I pin Two to the wall.

“How the fuck do you know?” I growl. He looks scared. Good. But he’s quiet. “Answer me!”

“Her dad was in the office looking for her. Called her Jasmine,” the punk admits.

“ _ His _ name is Jared. You hurt him again, I’ll destroy you. Got it?” I warn. No reply. “I said got it?”

He nods nervously. “Yep! Got it!” he squeaks.

“Good. Now give me his phone, then get the fuck out.”

He hands me the phone and I step away. He runs out. I head back over to Jared.

“It wasn’t you?”

“I’d never do that to you, baby. You’re male. Okay? No matter what they say,” I soothe.

“He’s looking for me. What if he finds me?” Jared whimpers.

“I won’t let him hurt you,” I promise.

“Thank you. I don’t deserve you,” Jared whispers.

I hold him to me. “You’re right. You deserve so much better. So I’ll do whatever I can to be what you deserve,” I murmur.

“W-we should get to class,” Jared says tiredly.

“Nuh-uh. No way. I’m taking you home.”

He doesn’t reply, only nods. I help him up and walk him outside. His dad is there, smoking. He’s waiting for Jared?

“We need to go back in,” Jared mutters, eyeing his dad.

“No. He’ll just wait until school ends. We need to get out of here,” I reply. I hand him my keys. “I’ll distract him. Get in the car and lock the doors until he’s gone. Text Zoe and tell her to call the police if he attacks me. Now go.”

He sprints to the car and I run towards Mr. Kleinman.

“Jasmine!” Mr. Kleinman shouts, seeing Jared.

“HEY ASSWIPE!” I shout.

He whips around and turns to me.

“You little bastard. Should’ve known it was you that did this. Should have fucking killed you when I had the chance,” he snarls.

“Why don’t you now? Why don’t you finish what you tried to do? Attack a defenseless kid trying to bring his injured boyfriend home and away from an abusive father,” I say threateningly.

“I outta,” he replies angrily.

“Do it, I dare you. But just so you know, there are cameras all over the parking lot.”

“Fuck you.”

“Stay away from Jared.”

“Her name is Jasmine and I am her father!”

“He is eighteen and able to live on his own. And away from you and the trauma you gave him,” I snap.

He grumbles, but walks away. I let out a breath. Zoe runs over.

“Thank God, he didn’t hurt you. I didn’t want to go to prison over killing a no good scum bag dumpster fire,” Zoe exclaims.

I shrug her off and head to the car. Jared unlocks the door and leaps into my arms. He’s shaking violently.

“I was so scared,” he whimpers. “So scared he would hurt you and it would be my fault again.”   
“No! Nothing is your fault with him. He’s evil. Okay? Not you. Now let’s get you home,” I reply.

We head into the car and I drive home, holding Jared’s hand as we go.

Inside, we curl up together. And I know Jared doesn’t think so, but he is so perfect. So beautiful. This whole thing with his dad is far from over, but I’ll be damned if I let the bastard win. He will never hurt Jared again. Because despite Jared’s protests, he’s my guardian angel, and I will save him like he keeps saving me.


End file.
